I love jewelry.

The other day, as I was in my jewelry box considering what piece to wear, I came across my mother’s pearls.  

These are a beautiful traditional strand of pearls.  I sat with them, lovingly touching each of the pearls on the strand and reminisced about the times I had seen her wear them and how elegant, classy and together she looked.

Her pearls represented not only a very wealthy time in our lives, but also a time when my mother was in her prime, she carried herself with confidence, spoke with clarity, had a deep certainty and grace that made me swoon as as child.

When I think about it she was probably about the age that I am now, early 40”s.

I chose not to wear the pearls that afternoon, truth be told, I have never been able to wear the pearls.  In the past, when I have put them on they just didn’t seem to fit, they seem to old for me, they seemed to elegant, they spoke to a part of me that felt uncomfortable and misaligned.

Then I discovered something I had never seen before.

Over the last couple of weeks, while we have all been busy in November, I have woken up to leadership.  It was an accumulation of things, from Brene Brown’s, Dare to Lead to the couple of words that my friend, Roosmarjin posted - personal leadership - I had never noticed this before and for some reason it made so much sense.

I had never thought of myself as a leader or even had the drive or striving to become one.  I always understood it in the masculine and shunned it for me.  I was happy to stand beside my men as they forged the paths and went forwards, keeping the home fires burning.  

But now, I could not find peace, something was happening, I had to admit I was feeling restless with these ideas.  Why?

In considering my relationship to leadership, I felt like I was travelling through a desert, sun scorching my skin, feeling uncomfortable and then only to find on the horizon a plentiful, oasis that I had to get too.  Like putting on my mother’s pearls, I have felt uncomfortable, restless and questioning if I could “pull it off”, then I realise if I stay my course that oasis in the distance held the possibility of stepping into confidence, certainty and grace to lead others to a place of plenty.

Perhaps in the end it is not about me and my uncomfortableness, perhaps it’s not about you, perhaps it is trusting in the desires and impulses that arise within us, because this life is not only about mastery, it is also about the mystery.

And so I wear “my” pearls today.

Are you wearing yours ?